Sunday, February 7, 2010
Part of the Process....
I had a good time with this painting, done on the next to last page in my Canson Biggie sketch pad.
I bought the little pot of tulips at the supermarket a few days ago. I’d planned on buying flowers to cheer me up, to remind me to keep hopeful. I was looking for sunflowers when I spotted the table with the early spring flowering bulbs in little pots and changed my mind on the sunflowers. I bought a pot of tulips where there was more bud than flower and got this one. I’d intended placing whatever flowers I bought on the coffee table next to my chair in the living room where I’ve been ‘camped’ all winter. I’ve been feeling low, blue.... A touch of Cabin Fever, a lack of Vitamin D – SADD.... In a place, anyhow, where I needed to make a plan and get out of my rut.
I felt much better after I tidied up the coffee table. I couldn’t believe the amount of clutter that accumulated in recent weeks. I hadn’t really seen the pile growing and how bulky and un-sightly until sometime Friday afternoon. So I allocated 15-30 minutes from my funk that were devoted to making my living space look less unsightly. While I was organizing the coffee table, remembered how much I used to love setting up a still life on it and do a painting, which is what I vowed to do again, even if it was just something to look at.
I had a good time with this painting even though I wasn’t having such a good time outside it. It started off well. I enjoyed the initial drawing; the composition had a rythym to it that was audible; as if listening to the sound of my pen moving over a page of writing. Everything seemed to fall into place. I made my next decision which was to outline the drawing with a liner brush using that little container of GGBlack I made a few months ago. I really enjoyed that, too. The sound of the brushstrokes were as much fun as the drawing. I used to do a lot of pen and ink drawings. One of the thrills, laying down an ink outline over pencil on a new drawing, seeing the drawing with new eyes after the outlining is complete.... I enjoyed the feel of the nib of the pen as I outlined, making the strokes broad or narrow by changing the pressure of my fingers on the pen. I enjoyed using the liner much the same way.
And I enjoyed the Change in my Funk. Which is a good thing, that hour of pleasure, because no sooner had I photographed the painting after I finished with the outlining, the phone rang, which changed the nature of my funk once again.
It wasn’t a pleasant phone call, I wasn’t happy to hear from the caller, the call was upsetting. I answered the call because I’d been avoiding talking to (confronting) this person but had also vowed – while de-cluttering the coffee table – that next time they called I’d deal with it rather than put myself through the pain of putting it off. I was prepared to say No, (thankyou). I thought this person was calling me to push some kind of product they’re selling, instead it turned into a call for help which I wasn’t prepared or willing to give. I don’t know this person well but what I do know is that I don’t want to know this person well-enough to get into my car at 9:00 a.m. on a Saturday with high winds and the temp @18 degrees and drive 25 or so miles to their house, then drive them around the neighborhood to find a person who owes them $50 then drive them to Waterbury so they can put a payment on their phone bill so they don’t lose their phone number. My heart bleeds for this person in predicament, that they need this kind of help. I feel sad that this person has to lay out a guilt trip with every conversation and glad I didn’t take it personally, glad I didn't allow myself to be sucked into their drama. I’m glad for myself that I’m able to say No, even if it sometimes hurts.